Guide · Writing vows
How to Write Wedding Vows
A calm, step-by-step way to write vows that sound like you — starting from your real memories, not a template.
To write wedding vows, gather real memories and promises first, pick a tone that sounds like you, then draft an opening, a specific story, three or four genuine promises, and a forward-looking close. Read it aloud, cut anything generic, and keep it to one or two minutes. The steps below walk through exactly that.
The six steps
Gather your raw material first
Before you write a single line, collect the moments: how you met, the ordinary day you realized this was it, the hard season you got through, the small things they do. You cannot draft a personal vow from a blank page — you draft it from a pile of true details.
Choose a tone that sounds like you
Tender, plainspoken, funny, poetic — pick the register you actually speak in. Matching your partner’s rough tone and length in advance keeps the two vows balanced on the day.
Make real promises
The heart of any vow is what you promise. Aim for three or four you can genuinely keep — one big ("I will always come back and try again") and a few small and specific ("I will make the coffee on the mornings you can’t get up").
Draft loosely, do not edit yet
Get a full first pass down without judging it. Open with a moment, add a beat or two of specifics, land your promises, and close by looking forward. Shape beats polish at this stage.
Read it out loud and cut
Vows are spoken, not read. Say it aloud, time it (aim for roughly one to two minutes), and cut anything that sounds like a card. If a line could apply to any couple, replace it with something only you two would recognize.
Practice, then bring a clean copy
Rehearse a few times so nerves do not swallow it, and print a clean copy or keep it on a card for the ceremony. Reading it is completely fine — no one expects you to memorize.
A quick shape to follow
Most vows that land follow the same simple arc. Yours can too:
- Open — a line that names who they are to you, or the moment you knew.
- Story — one or two specifics only the two of you would recognize.
- Promises — three or four you truly mean, a mix of big and small.
- Close — a short line looking forward to the life ahead.
I do not have a long speech. I have a short one I mean completely. I promise to be kind to you, especially when it is hard. I promise to keep showing up, keep paying attention, keep choosing this.
You make my life bigger and quieter at the same time, and I did not know I needed both. So: yes. To you, to this, to all of it, for as long as I get.
Want the structure on its own? Read the vow structure guide. Prefer to start from examples? Browse vow examples by style.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Starting at the keyboard with nothing gathered — collect memories first.
- Leaning on clichés ("my rock," "my everything") instead of specifics.
- Writing for the guests instead of your partner.
- Going too long — past two minutes, attention drifts.
- Skipping the read-aloud, where every clunky line reveals itself.
If you are worried about the cheesy trap specifically, we wrote a whole guide on writing vows that are not cheesy.
Let a co-writer draw it out of you
Pocket Vows walks you through the exact steps above — a mood quiz, story prompts, a warm interview, and promise-building — then helps you draft in your own voice. Free to start, no account needed.
Start with the 2-minute mood quizFree to start · no account needed · private by design
FAQ
How long should wedding vows be?
Most spoken vows run one to two minutes — roughly 100 to 250 words. Time yourself reading aloud; nerves speed you up on the day.
When should I start writing my vows?
Two to four weeks out is comfortable: enough time to gather memories, draft, and rehearse without cramming. But you can write good vows in an hour if you have to — see our last-minute guide.
Is it okay to use help or AI to write vows?
Yes, as long as the words end up true to you. The healthiest way to use help is to have it draw out your real memories and promises and help you phrase them — not to hand you a generic vow. That is exactly how Pocket Vows is built.
What should wedding vows include?
Usually: who your partner is to you, a specific memory or two, the promises you are making, and a forward look at the life ahead. Keep it specific and sincere.